Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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