hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
