My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
