remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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