mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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