Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The best revenge is premature balding
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
