What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
