a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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