Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
