I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
