those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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