apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I've blown a few things in my day
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
