Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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