dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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