I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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