I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
People in love make me want to vomit
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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