Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
