She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
