My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
