i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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