so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
