im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
