Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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