ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
