whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
