So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Two words: blizzard sex
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
