I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize