He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need water and some morals
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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