The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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