it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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