doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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