i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
