Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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