I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
