Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
