Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
