my vag is so smooth its legendary
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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