Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
