Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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