I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
