the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
