dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
