one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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