Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
