What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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