Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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