You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
