Don't you send me to vm
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
