I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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