you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he was CRYING into my vagina
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
