Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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