coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
