he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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