Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
