For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
