So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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