I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This house was built for laser tag.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
