upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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