i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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