It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
