Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
