One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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