hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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