he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
