just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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