The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize